It had begun with news of Amanda’s death. This had taken some time to sink in, and the experience was unlike anything I’d known before because Amanda had never been a real person to me, only a figure half glimpsed, like a stranger through frosted glass. It was Beatrice I had loved and Beatrice whose unacceptable loss I had struggled with. Before driving up toCumbriathat time to meet with Lamarr, I had come to the conclusion the purpose of my journey was to bear witness to the ending of an era, and a period of great mystery, one the tides of change had decided to lay to rest, without revealing much by way of answers. I knew now that was not what any of this meant at all. It was not the end of anything, but a new course whose purpose I could discern no more clearly than when it had begun ten years ago. [download]
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